In My Sisters’ Gardens: Women’s History Month, March 2023

Posted on March 13, 2023March 13, 2023 by Qiyamah Rahman

If you do not already know about or have a membership in these organizations, contact them to subscribe and lend your support to UU women.
Unitarian Universalist Women’s Federation (https://www.uuwf.org/ email: uuwf@uuwf.org)
Unitarian Universalist Women’s History and Heritage Society is now part of The UU Studies Network (https://www.uustudiesnetwork.org/womens-history/)
Visit the National Women’s History Alliance website for additional information about women’s contributions to our cultural heritage, at https://nationalwomenshistoryalliance.org
Research the accomplishments of UU women and create a sermon or talk highlighting these accomplishments.
Plan intergenerational events in your covenant or small groups sponsoring discussions or forums about women’s contributions and related issues.
Host a party to celebrate the contributions of women and invite local community groups. This creates an opportunity to build relationships with your local battered women’s shelter, women’s centers, women scholars, activists and clergy, along with social justice groups focused on women’s issues.
Start a women’s group if your congregation doesn’t currently have one.
Purchase books about UU women from inSpirit, the UUA Bookstore and Gift Shop https://www.uuabookstore.org/ and place them in your congregational library. Or if your congregation doesn’t currently have a library, start one.
Research your church archives to discover the women who have been important to your congregation’s history. Then lead oral histories among your charter and senior members discussing these and other women who have contributed to the well-being and life of your congregation. Document this information as part of your congregational history and host additional discussions with this focus.
You can contribute letters, papers and special artifacts regarding significant women in your congregation to Meadville Lombard Theological School https://www.meadville.edu/. You can also contribute to several different Women’s Archives or the Sankofa Archives regarding histories of historically marginalized women.
Prepare for next year’s Women’s History Month using the above suggestions for an outstanding tribute to UU women and all the women who have helped inspire us and make our lives better!
Have a look at our informative “Tending to Unitarian Universalist Women’s Ministries” (from a Black women’s perspective) to find out something you may not have known. Click here to download the PDF: Tending to UU Women’s Ministries

Next Level Thinking for Our Breakthrough Year

Posted on February 20, 2023February 20, 2023 by Qiyamah Rahman

I have declared the year 2023 as my year of fearless living. That, in itself, would make it a breakthrough year. I have been working on attracting the energies of fearlessness and boldness of spirit. Numerous experiences confirm that I am moving in the right direction to heal some of the experiences that have prevented me from living my best life. Initially, the words “trauma” and “brokenness” surfaced to describe my experiences. Because I am striving to be mindful of the power of words, I declined to use them in this post to describe myself. However, I want you, the reader, to benefit from lessons that have taken me many years to internalize. Remember Tony Robbins’ admonition that the words we habitually use and attach to our experiences become our story. I have talked about my trauma and brokenness all my life. It is time to do the work to heal.

Recently, I attempted to get online to begin my day. However, I discovered that my WIFI connection was down! I almost panicked until I recalled the steps the IT person walked me through when this previously occurred. I quieted a mind that was already racing into panic mode. I reminded myself, “What is the worst thing that can happen if my efforts don’t succeed, and I have to contact the IT person?” Remembering the steps, I proceeded to disconnect everything – the power source, battery – everything! To my pleasant surprise, after reconnecting everything and waiting a few minutes, my WIFI was restored.

Often, in the face of life’s challenges, we must get still (rather than panic) to disconnect and, with a renewed spirit of boldness and confidence, proceed anew. The energy that is normally channeled into a fear reaction is redirected to allow creative problem-solving. How would we know and experience a different reaction if our default is panic? Many of us have been beaten down by life; when we feel overwhelmed, a sense of powerlessness can easily overtake us. Before we know it, we find our thoughts and emotions spiraling down the rabbit hole of doubt and insecurity. When we do this, we have triggered the law of attraction, and not in a good way. Just as our positive thoughts attract like thoughts, our negative thoughts attract like thoughts. I invite you to shift your behavior and install some stopgaps before you hit freefall, before you panic, before you give up on the life you want for yourself – the life you convince yourself you cannot have. You know the script: “I can’t have (fill in the blank) because I am (fill in the blank).” As I did when my WIFI went down, remember to disconnect, and reinstall. Reinstall positive thoughts. Declare a spirit of boldness.

Following are some steps that are endorsed by master coaches such as Tony Robbins and others, that I have found useful over time.

You must know what you want and where you are going. So, get clear on what you want and where you want your life to go. Speak the words; hold them in your mind. Envision what your life would be like with (fill in the blank). Start focusing – even obsessing! – on the thing(s) you desire. In my earlier years, I extensively used visualization as a tool to focus my energy to manifest my goals. Visualization is the use of images and visuals to harness the energy of creative thought in manifesting goals. Treasure maps, vision boards and collages are ways to practice visualization. When visualization is combined with affirmations, meditation, and prayer, these become even more powerful ways to direct the brain’s energies toward the intended goal(s).
Affirmations are positive self-talk to retrain the brain and to harness energy toward a particular focus. In working to eliminate a belief that I was not enough and therefore, not good enough, my affirmation was, “I am more than good enough to experience all my good.” Another was, “Today in every way I am getting better and better.”
Focus on the feelings of joy, gratitude, and peace that you will experience when (fill in the blank) is in your life. Tony Robbins reminded viewers that “Thought plus feelings = outcome.” We are powerful individuals whose innate drive is to create. While we are busy complaining about what we don’t have, our energy is going toward that. Robbins suggests an exercise asking, “What was a dream in your life that seemed impossible at a time, but is in your life today? How did it happen?” Get busy reclaiming the power and energy that allowed you to manifest your dream! Pay attention to what is working in your life. What happened to manifest your success?
Examine your beliefs. Our beliefs are the stories we tell ourselves. Robbins reminds us, “Change your story and you will change your life.” One of the things that keeps us from getting what we really want is the stories we keep telling ourselves about why we don’t and can’t have (fill in the blank). In his podcast Robbins reminds us that our beliefs have the power to create as well as destroy. We must be vigilant and remain in charge of our beliefs. According to Robbins, we must crush the limiting belief systems that get in our way. We must delete stories of limitation and lack, the oppressive patterns that prevent us from living our best lives.
One of the ways to live our best lives according to Robbins is to rewire our thinking. If we don’t rewire our thinking, nothing will be different, and we will continue to do the same things and expect different results. And we know what that is! Insanity! What have been your limiting belief(s)? Ask yourself, “What does this limiting belief system cost me?” Some other questions Robbins provided: “What is total bull shit about this belief system?” “Why is it not true?” and “What is the truth, that is, the opposite truth that would set me free?”

Now that you possess some basic tools, it is time to annihilate your old “truths” or, more accurately, lies masquerading as truth. Robbins reminds us that the words we attach to our story about who we are literally become who we are. The words we habitually use and attach to our experiences become our story. Eliminate the words and negative emotions that do not serve you. Let your life work for you. When things are going badly, don’t get stressed out. Get up, dust yourself off, reload, recalibrate and in Robbins’ words, “Go all out for the attack and annihilate the problem.” This man is a beast when it comes to personal growth. He lets nothing stand in the way of changing for the better. Remember, in many instances we are fighting for our lives; lives stolen from us that we can reclaim. Les Brown, motivational speaker and author states, “You gotta be hungry!”

Robbins utilizes several questions to move participants towards their goals. One question was particularly insightful for me, “What does the best year of your life look like?” Images of love, travel, romance, writing and publishing, family time, and consulting all surfaced in my responses. “Where are you?” and “Where do you want to go?” made me anticipate his next question, “How are you going to get there?” Dreaming is not enough!

Investing in the most important asset – ourselves – before we leave here to create a legacy is a constant theme of mine. Changing our stories and belief patterns can create a compelling future reassuring us our existence made a difference. To be successful, we must be consistent. We need to believe we deserve joy, abundance, and love.

As I embark on 2023, coming up on 75 years of living on this planet, I am mindful of the principles of the master trainings I’ve attended, and the wisdom of coaches I have sat with over my many years. As an elder, it is time that I employ what Robbins calls, “Massive Action” – that is, stepping up and doing the things I am most afraid of. He reminds us that Big Actions net Big Results. Dreaming is not enough!

It is not enough to understand or know – I, you, we – must change our thinking and conditioning. Are you ready? Set? Go!

Rev. Q

Reflections on a New Year

Posted on January 17, 2023February 20, 2023 by Qiyamah Rahman

Happy New Year!

While such rigorous exploration of my interior landscape is possible at any time, aligning myself with the construct of the calendar year puts me in a harmonious space that promotes a higher energy, thus inviting rebirth, renewal, and recalibration. The calendar year provides me with the structure of a designated time to formulate goals and ideas, to check progress – or lack thereof – and to adjust if necessary. Both the concept of time travel, and the recognition that master teachers have long deemed time a mere construct, reinforce the notion that I am not limited to January. I can engage in this process whenever and wherever needed. Taking advantage of the calendar year works for me. For several years, I would walk for miles in the rainforests of St. Croix on my birthday, enjoying the solitude of my thoughts and the majesty of nature. Many people do something similar on their birthdays or other anniversaries.

While many folks now consider new year’s resolutions passe, I continue to derive benefits from the symbolic ritual of taking a deep dive into my life. For me, using the ending of one year and the beginning of another is not just a perfunctory verbalization of the statement, “out with the old and in with the new.” It is a time to do some serious soul-searching. I begin by asking myself questions like, “What is the state of my soul? What shall I claim in this new year? What shall I leave behind? What have I learned that stretched me and grew my soul? What broke my heart? What terrified me? What brought me joy?” Countless other questions push me into my fears and doubts, my brokenness, and my complacency, yet they also take me closer to my places of wholeness. Learning how to remain fully present without taking in additional trauma while healing from past distresses has been a huge challenge.

In a past television comedy whose name I no longer remember, the characters greeted one another with the words, “How ya living?” As I conclude 2022, a year filled with so much joy and pain, and step into a new one filled with endless possibilities, I get to ask myself, “How ya living?” Of course, my heart automatically and lovingly responds with Dr. Phil’s famous line, “And how’s that working for you?” Well, some of it is and some of it is not! So, I will continue to utilize the New Year’s tradition to cavort through my conscious and unconscious mind spaces, reveling in the marvelous belief that I can create the life I dream of when I believe that it requires my active participation. And what better way to do so than to make a date with myself every year to proclaim my victories, mourn my regrets, and announce to myself and the world that I am here – still standing, still growing!

Happy New Year! Elder Rev. Q

“The Woman King” Film Review

Posted on October 17, 2022February 20, 2023 by Qiyamah Rahman

by Rev. Qiyamah A. Rahman

The Woman King tells a fictionalized story of the Agojie, (pronounced ah go gee), an all-female military regiment in Dahomey, now known as the Republic of Benin, in West Africa. The Agojie existed in the 1800s, and were renowned for their bravery, grueling training, and skillful fighting. They represented the last line of defense between an enemy and the King, thus they were prepared to sacrifice their lives to protect him.

Some of the women that were conscripted into the ranks of the Agojie were throw-aways – women considered unmarriageable because they could not be controlled, those with “bad manners,” and girls that were not deferential or feminine enough. While these women were not subject to the same cultural norms for women of that time, they were governed by rules to which their male warrior counterparts were not subjected. According to Sylvia Serbin, author of the book, The Women Soldiers of Dahomey, the Agojie began their training as teens. While celibacy was not a requirement for male soldiers, the Agojie were not allowed to marry or have children. They lived their lives apart from their people behind a walled enclosure in the King’s palace. When the Agojie were in public, the people were required to avert their eyes.

While the movie is heavily dramatized, the Agojie warriors did, in fact, exist. However, the film takes some liberties, beginning with the main character. Nanisca, the general of the Agojie played by Viola Davis, is not based on a real character, yet Davis brings this fictional gladiator to life with the honed skill of her craft. At 57 years of age, Davis masterfully performs over ninety percent of her rigorous stunts. Her performance expertly juxtaposes the fierce warrior with the woman who ultimately faces her demons, and discovers the collateral beauty born of her brutal rape.

So, what is historically accurate? The Agojie warriors represent the only documented front-line female soldiers in modern warfare history. At one time, the Agojie numbered 6,000, and existed for over a century. The last known surviving Agojie woman, Nawi, was interviewed a year before her death in 1979 at over 100 years old. Nawi is played in The Woman Kingby Thuso Mbedu, a South African actress who was nominated for an international Emmy for her role in the drama series Is’Thunzi. She also starred in the Amazon limited series, The Underground Railroad.

The character King Ghezo, played by John Boyega, ruled over the Dahomey Empire from 1818 to 1859. He came to power when he replaced his brother Adandozan, who ruled from 1797 to 1818. The coup to bring King Ghezo to the throne was successful due to assistance from the Brazilian slave trader Francisco Felix de Sousa. This provides a glimpse into the complicity of the Dahomey people, who participated in the slave trade along with their archenemies, the Oyo people.

Although King Ghezo was a young and inexperienced King, he demonstrated a radical inclusiveness not only with his acceptance of General Nanisca’s counsel, but also by welcoming the participation of females in his cabinet. In his book, Black Women of Antiquity, John Henrik Clarke comments, “Africans had produced a way of life where men were secure enough to let women advance as far as their talents would take them.” The Dahomey society did in fact hold a progressive view of women, and evidence of this is demonstrated in the presence of a woman King.

The film does acknowledge the Dahomey Empire’s participation in perpetuating chattel slavery among their own people and other tribes. What is not revealed in the movie is that Dahomey continued to engage in the slave trade even after both the French and English had abolished slavery (in 1794 and 1833, respectively).

While the Dahomians never ceased their slave trade, during King Ghezo’s rule, the human sacrifice of slaves was abolished, and the death penalty for certain non-fatal offenses, such as adultery, was eliminated. Furthermore, King Ghezo discontinued the trade of Dahomians, which had occurred under his brother’s rule. In the movie, Viola Davis’ character, Nanisca, encourages King Ghezo to cease the trade of humans, and to instead invest in palm oil production to generate revenues.

Oyeronke Oyebanji, a Nigerian public health professional, states in her recent review of the movie: “The sad truth is that the Dahomey people built their kingdom’s massive wealth by capturing and selling other human beings long after the British declared the slave trade to be illegal.”

The movie depicts this ugly truth but presents such compelling dramatization of the Agojie fighting the French and the Oyo people that the duplicitous nature of the Dahomians is minimized. While the Dahomey Empire’s battles against the Oyo Empire were real and illustrated their long-time enmity, the fact that both Empires participated in the selling of their people is downplayed.

Critics

Critics boycotting the movie cite several concerns. One such viewpoint is that the Agojie were violent, and do not deserve to be valorized. One critic stated the movie is “nothing more than two hours of Black women murdering Black men.” It is important to note that different cultural lenses create vastly different interpretations. Africans viewing the film see tribal wars between the Dahomey Empire and the Oyo Empire. African Americans, applying a cultural construct based on different realities, perceive a gender war, not tribal wars. African American critics seem to have reduced the ancient enmity between two powerful empires to race and gender, thus ignoring African cultural mores.

Other critics have stated that the film is a propaganda tool of feminists. These African American critics are applying a cultural perspective that emerged out of the theoretical conflicts between Black feminists and Black nationalists. Many Black women in the 1960s did not participate in the white women’s movement because of white women’s inherent racism, and due to white women’s failure to prioritize racism over sexism. Their failure to understand that while Black women suffered from sexism from Black men, Black women and their families, which included men, also suffered from white supremacy. They were therefore committed to work in concert with Black men and their communities, rather than to separate from them as many white feminists were wont to do.

Black women who embraced feminism and womanism instead chose to call Black men on their bullshit. Black feminists were comfortable with casting their Black gaze on the violence against Black women committed by Black men along with other forms of sexism. When movies like The Color Purple and Waiting to Exhale debuted, many Black men and women felt Hollywood was legitimizing the attack on Black men, thereby using the media to humiliate and debase Black men. These same critics view The Woman King as “Hollywood theater propaganda targeting an audience of feminists.”

While film can be used to reach a wide audience to inform, inspire change, and promote cultural norms, it can also promote and foster negative cultural beliefs. Hence, nationalists often view strong independent Black women that challenge Black men as ball-busters committed to destroying Black men. Some of the same critics assert that the film’s white writers and producers are subtly fostering hatred and rivalry between Black men and women. They point to Nansica’s archrival. While they focus on the fact that he is a Black African, they fail to recognize that he is an Oyo, the hated enemy that has overpowered the Dahomey people for years. While some feminists see a Black female sexual assault survivor and a Black male rapist at odds, and Black nationalists see rivalry between Black men and women, many Africans and African Americans see two competing and historically antagonistic empires competing for dominance.

Other critics point to the fact that Viola Davis was the producers’ second choice to play Nanisca, the Agojie general. Their first choice, Lupita Nyong’o, refused the role after traveling to Benin and conducting research that revealed the Agojie warriors were brutal to their people. For the movie’s supporters, however, this knowledge did not warrant sufficient reason to boycott the film.

Some of the same critics maintain that Hollywood should not be in the business of telling Black history. And that may be a valid criticism. However, a documentary is very different from a feature film based on true life. Hollywood has long been accused of mixing too much fiction with reality and is guilty of distorting history when exercising their white privilege to narrate Africans’ history.

Still other critics point to the feminist plot in the narrative. Boyce Watkins, an African American author, political analyst, and social influencer notes that he is all about girl power but asserts that the movie is theater propaganda that targets an audience of white and Black feminists, and LGBTQ. Watkins points to a “gender war” that is subtly being waged.

Let’s be clear. This is not a documentary. Hollywood is not in the business of producing Black or African documentaries. I personally liked the movie and was intrigued enough to do my own research to determine how much of it was based on historical fact and how much was fiction. I liked the diverse cast that included African Americans, South Africans, West Africans, and Londoners. I enjoyed the action of the fight scenes and the glimpses into the lives of the Agojie.

Viola Davis was recently interviewed about the film and her preparation. She recounted her journey to learn about and understand the Agojie by watching videos and reading books. One of her comments speaks volumes about her role in this and other outstanding performances. She states, “A life is measured by the footprints one leaves behind.”

Viola Davis and the cast of The Woman King are leaving behind some powerful, poignant, and profound footprints!

Note: The Woman King premiered at the Toronto International Film Festival and debuted in the US on Friday, September 16. The Woman King was produced and directed by Maria Bellow and Cathy Schulman, written by Dana Stevens with contributions by Gina Prince-Bythewood (Love and Basketball), and produced by Tri Star Pictures, Nelle Entertainment, JVee Production, and Entertainment One Ltd. Music by Terence Blanchard and Lebo M. (The Lion King).

Ashé,

Rev. Qiyamah

The featured photograph above is from my personal collection, taken at The Legacy Museum and The National Memorial for Peace and Justice in Montgomery, Alabama. https://museumandmemorial.eji.org/

A Charge to Keep

Posted on August 17, 2022August 17, 2022 by Qiyamah Rahman

Introduction

On September 8, 2019, I extended a charge to Abundant LUUV in Atlanta, Georgia as I prepared to return to my home in St. Croix, VI. Recently, I was thinking about that charge. I want to extend a charge to you, our Sister Souurce, Inc. supporters.

Using the charge, I want to demonstrate some of the Bible’s wisdom and remind you that it is a collection of stories about the life and times of the people back then. Walking you through sixteen of the sixty-six books of the Bible I will do some translating for contemporary times.

A charge is a pronouncement of wisdom and reflections that is shared with a minister and congregation when a new minister is ordained or called. Here, I am using it in a much larger and more general context to share some of the wisdom of the Bible, something many Unitarian Universalists do not utilize often. So, as we continue through mid-year of a difficult and challenging year, I extend some wisdom and reflections that might inspire you through these troubled times.

Genesis

I begin my charge in Genesis, the first book of the Bible.
In the book of Genesis God creates the heavens and the earth and names the beasts, fowls and plants. He hangs the stars in the sky and places the constellations in orbit. But on the seventh day he rested.
I charge you to take a lesson from God and practice self-care and rest – pace yourself. And remember, the race is given not to the swift nor the strong but to those that endureth to the end.

Exodus 14:15

We come now to Exodus. It begins with the birth of Moses who is the main character and author of Exodus.
We follow him from birth when his Hebrew mother places him in the bushes and he is found by the Pharaoh’s daughter and is subsequently raised as royalty and an Egyptian.
The midwives were instructed to kill all the male Hebrew children and to save the females. Because Moses’ mother and the midwives rejected the Pharoah’s commandment, Moses grew up to be the liberator of the Israelites and he claimed his purpose and destiny to bring the Israelites out of slavery.
I charge us, in the face of opposition like the midwives, to remember their courage and hold fast to your dreams, and in the face of the haters and challenges, to act on your sense of good and justice.

Numbers 27 1-11

In the book of Numbers we encounter the five daughters of Zelophehad. They petitioned Moses because their father died and left no sons.
In those days women inherited nothing. But, through their appeals to Jesus, this tradition was changed, and God commanded “If a man dies and leaves no son, turn his inheritance over to his daughter. If he has no daughter, give his inheritance to his brothers…”
Like the daughters of Zelophehad, I charge you to use your voices, your gifts and talents to speak truth to power and be a voice in the wilderness for the marginalized and disadvantaged.

Deuteronomy

In Deuteronomy we are introduced to Methuselah, the son of Enoch, and the oldest living man in biblical history.
None of us may live to be 969 years as he was reported to, and you may not want to, but…
I charge you to live a life of purpose and legacy so that regardless of when your time comes you may know that your life and what you did made a positive difference.

Nehemiah

In Nehemiah we learn that he is a man of prayer and a compassionate man.
And he wept when he heard of the broken walls of Jerusalem.
When your walls of life break and loved ones shatter your heart, I charge you to remember what you have learned: that is to call on community and to build community so that we do not have to be alone in life’s breakups, in life’s valleys.

Joshua

In Joshua we are told that God caused the sun to stand still.
I charge you to look for and perform small miracles in your life.
Don’t wait for the big ones.
Take on that thing that you believe you cannot do.
Take a risk and do it or find others to collaborate with.
Look for the miracles in life and live your life as a miracle!

Judges

We come now to Judges where the people turned away from God.
And so, we are reminded of how fickle and confused people can be at times.
I charge you not to take it personally when friends do not show up and loved ones turn away or momentarily neglect you or disappoint you or whatever nonsense they might indulge.
And remember, it ain’t always about you.

Ruth

In the book of Ruth, we are introduced to the devotion, love and bonds of friendship in the ageless story of Ruth and Naomi.
When their husbands died, daughter-in-law Ruth and mother-in-law Naomi clung to each other and proceeded to carve out the next chapter in their lives.
I charge you to find the courage to open the door to the next chapter in your lives.
Support someone who is standing at the door trying to find the courage to step inside.
Be a Ruth. Be a Naomi.
And look for some Ruths and Naomis in your life. You deserve their devotion, love and loyalty.

Samuel 1^st and 2^nd

In Samuel 1^st and 2^nd, we encounter the wisdom of Solomon and the rape and pain of Tamar. May you be as wise as serpents when needed, gentle as doves when you are called to be and yet, able to sit with and discern the pain and brokenness of not only your lives but others.
I charge you to stand in solidarity with those who experience violence while calling for justice, transformation and redemption for those who have caused harm to others.

Chronicles

In first Chronicles God promised David that the Savior would come from his lineage.
I charge you to keep your promises and only promise what you can keep.
Remember, your word is your bond.

Esther

In the book of Esther, she is willing to risk her life for the welfare of her people.
I charge you to discover what you are willing to risk everything for. What is your passion?
The world will be a better place and you will be happier and fulfilled, knowing you are making a difference in the world.

Job

In the book of Job, Job is a rich man who loses everything.
Yet he never loses his trust and faith in his God.
I charge you never to lose faith in whatever is sacred and holy in your life.
And never, ever lose faith in yourself.

Psalms

Come with me to Psalms, which likens a righteous individual to a tree planted by the water that yields fruit and whose leaves never wither.
May you know peace like a tree planted by the water, and may you continue to be bearers of peace.
And I charge you to be a comfort to those in distress.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Ecclesiastes reminds us there is a time for everything; a time to be born; and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to harvest.
This is your time to reap the harvest of all that you have planted. This is your time to continue to plant!
I charge you to go forth, along the highways and byways of life and share your good news.

New Testament

Matthew 14:22 – Jesus Walks on Water

In Matthew 14:22 Jesus leaves his disciples to go off to pray.
They meanwhile board a small boat to travel across the Sea of Galilee. At the time of departure, the water was calm and peaceful.
I have been on the Sea of Galilee, and it can look almost like a sea of glass. But in this instance the wind began to rage, and the waters roared like an angry animal. And the disciples became afraid.
Jesus saw them from a distance and decided to lend a helping hand. Ignoring all the laws of science Jesus walked to them across the water.
Never lose your sense of imagination and miracle making.
This may be that time; this may be that day that you walk on water!

Luke 10:29-37 – Parable of the Good Samaritan

My final charge is taken from the book of Luke.

A lawyer asked Jesus, “What shall I do to inherit eternal life?”
“Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength and with all thy mind and thy neighbor as thyself.”
And he turned to Jesus and asked, “And who is my neighbor?”
Instead of answering forthright Jesus decided to drop one of his parables on him.
A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho;
On the road to Jericho, predators (criminals) assaulted him and took his clothes, and left him ‘half dead’;
A priest and a Levite saw him and passed on the other side;
A certain Samaritan saw him and took compassion on him, went to him, poured oil and wine on his wounds and bound him up. He sat him on his own beast and brought him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he paid the inn keeper two pence to take care of him. “If it is over two pence, when I come back, I will take care of the bill,” stated the Samaritan.
Jesus said, “Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”
The lawyer said, “He that showed mercy on him.”
Jesus said, “Go and do likewise.”
I implore each of you during these troubled times to do likewise, first showing each other mercy and then extending mercy and compassion to others. Continue to be a beacon of hope, love and justice. Let your light shine brightly.
Know that you are the tree planted by the water. And you are the water.
You are the hands that tenderly carry the everlasting water of life.
Know that you have made a difference in your life and can continue to do so in the lives of others.

So go forth, having been charged on this blessed day henceforth and forever more!

Amen and Blessed Be!

Lead Us Not Into Temptation: Breaking the Silence about Ministerial Misconduct

Posted on June 5, 2022February 20, 2023 by Qiyamah Rahman

A 1992 UU Women’s Federation survey revealed that policies on clergy sexual misconduct among the majority of religious organizations do not exist. Ministerial misconduct is so egregious in that it takes advantage of the trusted relationships between clergy as authority figures and congregants who are predisposed to being open and vulnerable. It is a violation of all that is sacred and holy in the faith community. If one cannot be safe within the folds of one’s faith community, then where can safety be found? Great harm is done to the offended party that can result in self-blame, shame, loss of community and friends, spiritual crisis, loss of faith, family crisis, and divorce. Psychological distress such as depression and even suicide are real risks that these victims face.

Our perceptions about a phenomenon are often reflected in our language. Erroneously referring to abuses of power as “affairs” rather than ministerial misconduct is an example of misnaming a behavior. This is particularly important in educating congregants, as even the offended party may mistakenly refer to the abuse as an affair. Equally important are professionals such as therapists who work with individuals that were offended/abused by a clergy person. A congregant once informed me that she did not feel like a victim because she was a fully consenting adult. Yet, she did not understand the power imbalance between herself and the pastor, and how this negatively impacted her ability to function as a fully consenting adult. Diana Garland, Dean of Baylor University School of Social Work asserts, “It is not an affair. It is an abuse of power. Regardless of who intended what, the religious leader is the one in the position of responsibility.”

We also cannot allow offenders to rush to reconcile with the appearance of contrite behavior and remorseful behaviors. We cannot confuse restorative justice with honoring victim survivors and women fighting for autonomy over their bodies. We cannot allow the apologies to drown out the voices of victim survivors. In some cases, the abused congregant was viewed as having brought “a good man down.” The offended individual plaintively stated, “We should be getting this right,” referring to the disparity in how offenders and the offended are viewed and treated; the rush to forgive the offender and the push back against the offended. It was as if they were telling her, “He said he was sorry. What more do you want?” To which the resounding reply is “Justice!” And what does that look like? That is a subject needing a future post on its own!

As UUs, we extoll individualism and rail against authority. We do not like to be told what to do, so the idea of boundaries is sometimes met with mixed feelings. Yet, boundaries exist in almost every aspect of our lives, whether they are ground rules, covenants, or simple guidelines. The belief that we are “all adults” without need for boundaries makes us particularly vulnerable to boundary violations. The power that ministers hold is real, and we do ourselves a disservice when we disown it or minimize it. Congregants and boards hold power, but we cannot deny the power of our organizational and institutional backing—along with our training and credentials that confer authority—especially when navigating the relationships that we develop with our congregants.

Warmest regards, Rev. Qiyamah

Reflections on Transparency and Vulnerability

Posted on May 13, 2022February 20, 2023 by Qiyamah Rahman

The following is taken from a 2000 issue of the Thomas Jefferson District Connections, a publication of the TJD of the UUA. Qiyamah Rahman was serving as district executive at the time of publication:

“I am aware that a number of UUs of European descent in the TJ District are very upset about the use of the term “racist.” I cannot know what it feels like to be called a “racist,” but I do know what it feels like to struggle to name parts of myself that were almost too hideous for me and others to identify, name and embrace.

I grew up in an abusive family. My mother was a battered woman and my siblings and I were battered by my parents. When I first became a parent, I beat my children when they misbehaved. I deliberately do not use the word “spank” here, although that is how it was referred to by everyone, including those from whom I sought help to change. The language allowed me and others to justify this behavior and normalized the behavior. We have learned to sterilize our acts of violence through such neutral language. The act of naming the behavior for what it was, was part of my self-education and my decision to step outside the conspiracy of silence. In seeking to change I had to remove myself beyond the reach of those who would seek to aid and abet my behavior.

My name is Qiyamah A. Rahman and I am a child abuser. Those words allowed me to move toward healing and to non-violent parenting. To call myself a child abuser seemed extreme to some, but in the face of a society that sought to accommodate my behavior I needed to rename my use of corporeal punishment as violence. It was painful to name myself a child abuser. But one cannot begin to heal until one speaks the truth, as painful as it may seem.”

You can find the above text on pages 336-337 in the book, The Arc of the Universe is Long: Unitarian Universalists, Anti-Racism and the Journey from Calgary. This massive six-hundred-and-fifty-one-page book represents one of the most extensive resources on Unitarian Universalists’ journey and reflections on anti-racism efforts beginning with the 1992 General Assembly in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. This carefully researched book “recounts events and reactions through the middle years of the first decade of this century.”

How did it happen that in a book of this size with so many quotes and references from numerous individuals that mine portrays me in such a negative impression? And more importantly, why did I choose to say yes to including my experience? In retrospect I am not sure that I fully internalized my decision in the moment. In the end I had to live with my decision to be transparent, to be vulnerable and speak a truth that was so hideous and ugly. I have had some moments of regret having said yes to Leslie Takahashi when she called me one evening and requested permission to include the quote in the book. I did not instantly say yes but as I thought through my reason for my transparency and my efforts to work on vulnerability issues, I said yes moments later. What I did not fully realize is that there would be some challenges once I granted permission. I did not realize that in a book that numbered six-hundred-and fifty-one pages long that the index containing my name takes the reader to pages 336-337 where my confession is visible to any and every reader. My ego, my pride would have wanted folks to also be able to see the person and parent I evolved into and that we sometimes stumble as we plod along life’s journey.

Another moment that I experienced some regrets about saying yes was at a UUA General Assembly after the book was published. A white female minister shouted across the room in an excited voice, “Qiyamah, didn’t you say you were a child abuser?” I could see her husband nudging her and trying to quiet her. Knowing this particular person, I knew she was not being mean-spirited but she tended not to have much of a filter and she apparently wanted to confirm to her husband what she had evidently read. I could see the embarrassment on his face from across the room. In that moment my mind was racing. I knew others had heard her. She clearly did not have a discreet bone in her body. I did not and could not lie. But I felt like I wanted to disappear. I was not prepared to stand in the midst of all these white ministers and declare what I had so easily written and shared in a book. But neither silence nor a lie were options. So in that moment I decided to speak the truth and to hell with the consequences. “Yes, I said that.” And I mumbled something else trying to explain the context as they moved closer. But I had won! In the face of shame, embarrassment, and possible ostracism I had not acquiesced. Life hands us small victories sometimes. When I said yes to Leslie those many years ago, when I look at my tattered and worn copy of the book and when I reflect on my journey towards transparency and vulnerability, I know I have miles and miles more to go. But I am so proud of who I am becoming as I approach 74 years of age. It has taken a lifetime and I am still not there.

When I recently opened the book for a reference it fell open to page 588. The page includes a quote from Rev. Patricia Jimenez, then chaplain in Hennepin County Medical Center in Minneapolis, Minnesota. She states, “There was an acknowledgment of the indigenous ancestors who were there. There was something about white people who came later. There was absolutely no mention, anywhere, that Texas was part of Mexico, that there are probably more people in that city who were Mexican or other Latinos, before then or even now. So—I’m sitting there thinking, ‘Where are we?’ This is Fort Worth, 2005. What have we really done?”

Rev. Patricia recently died and transitioned to the ancestars. May she rest in power. She reminds us that we have so much more work to do on ourselves, in our congregations, in our homes and in our beloved faith of Unitarian Universalism.

Below her quote were the words of another ancestar, Rev. Dr. Hope Johnson. Her words bring me comfort and are a reminder to keep on keeping on in my state of imperfection and flaws. She states, “You have to get over not making mistakes—we don’t accept the fact that we can make mistakes. Perhaps it is our individual roots. We are still learning to be in right relation one with one another, so that we can honestly say ‘I love you. I made a mistake, let’s fix it.’ Sometimes we just need to understand that we screwed up and yes, it is hard. For me it is wonderful for all of us to be able to stay at the table of Unitarian Universalism.”

Thank you, Rev. Patricia, thank you Rev. Hope, for your courage and legacy that inspire me to continue to strip away the layers of oppression. It will continue to feel uncomfortable, embarrassing and even painful. But in retrospect, I do not regret saying yes to Leslie. I hope I continue to say yes to the Universe every time it provides me an opportunity to grow and stretch and to stay at the table of humanity.

Warmest regards, Rev. Qiyamah

P.S. We are working on rolling out (in time for 2022 UUA General Assembly) the newest feature on our website, where we will introduce many more ancestars we want you to know about.

Our 2022 Resident Guest Blogger

Posted on April 25, 2022February 20, 2023 by Qiyamah Rahman

Sister Souurce, Inc. is pleased to announce our 2022 Resident Guest Blogger, Rev. Karen Hutt. (Please find below a short bio on Rev. Karen). Rev. Karen will be posting monthly blogs covering a wide variety of topics and drawing on her long history as a UU minister, chaplain, social change agent and parent.

Rev. Karen introduces herself by sharing a special worship service from her home congregation, First Universalist Church of Minneapolis, where she serves as Adjunct Minister. The service, held on February 22, 2022, concluded Black History Month. Her homily was titled, Humanism is Black. While Rev. Jen Crow, the Senior Minister at First Universalist Church was away supporting her father in his journey with cancer, the worship team did an outstanding job with Sunday worship as you will witness from the video. They were able to offer a hybrid service with some members participating virtually and others in attendance while practicing social distancing and masking. Glen Thomas Rideout, Director of Worship Arts Ministries, did a fabulous job weaving Baptist hymns into his warm welcome. Rev. Arif Mandani, Associate Minister, offered a beautiful prayer/meditation using the “prophet” Marvin Gaye’s words from his hit song, “What’s Going On.” The pianist, Franco Holder and Rideout fit together like hand in glove, delivering soothing, yet powerfully inspiring music and lyrics. All the elements of worship were coordinated so beautifully and creatively. Rev. Karen’s preaching is inviting, stimulating and thought provoking—as you will witness. I learned so much about Black humanism that I did not know.

While UU liturgy offers a familiar and comforting experience with its call to worship; chalice lighting; prayer/meditation; offertory; homily; and closing words—with hymns woven throughout the service—it is the quality of the worship experience that successfully brings it all together. And that is exactly what I experienced in this worship. But see for yourself!

Click on the link here for the worship service https://sistersouurce.org/humanism-is-black/

Thank you, Rev. Karen, for agreeing to serve as the 2022 Resident Guest Blogger and for this great introduction! We look forward to your monthly posts!

About Rev. Karen Hutt

Rev. Karen Hutt has been a Unitarian Universalist (UU) minister for twenty-five years. She is a board-certified chaplain and Clinical Pastoral Educator (CPE). She has served UU congregations in Chicago and Minneapolis. Currently she is the VP for Student Formation, Vocation and Innovation at United Theological Seminary of the Twin Cities. She is the editor of The Call to Care, Essays by UU Chaplains (Skinner House Books, 2016). She was a co-founder and co-pastor of Church of the Open Door, a dual-affiliated United Church of Christ/Unitarian Universalist congregation that served Chicago’s Black LGBTQ population from 1997 to 2005. Rev. Hutt went on to serve as a chaplain and Clinical Pastoral Educator in several large hospital systems in both Chicago and Minneapolis. She is widely regarded as one of the most innovative educators in the Clinical Pastoral Education field, and her work has been published in the Journal for Reflective Practice and Supervision. From 2005 to 2014, she also served as the part-time Executive Director of Companions Journeying Together, Inc., an interfaith prison ministry that worked with clients in prisons and jails around the state of Illinois.

She is married to Rev. Ashley Horan, Organizing and Strategy Director for Justice Ministries at the Unitarian Universalist Association (UUA). They live in Minneapolis with their three children: Zi, Aspen and Eden.

Reflections on Ageism

Posted on August 14, 2021February 20, 2023 by Qiyamah Rahman

Looking back at 2018, it was filled with several major transitions including my 70^th birthday. To mark the occasion my three children put together a weekend that included: a Friday night sweat lodge where we sweated and burned away our toxins and negative energy causing blockages and burdens in our lives, a Saturday evening reception featuring great food, family and friends and Sunday morning worship service. The worship service was held at Abundant LUU in historic SW Atlanta. I reflected on elderhood and shared some of my spoken word pieces. I was surprised with a foot washing performed by my daughters, daughter-in-love and my granddaughter. Omelika Bynum, a long time friend and founder and director of Giwayen Mata, Atlanta’s premier female percussion and dance group, called us to worship with the ancient sounds of African drumming. Another friend, Imani Williams, serenaded everyone with a beautiful gospel hymn.

Four months earlier I had relocated stateside to Marietta, GA after residing in St. Croix, VI for six years. I had served as the minister with the small UU congregation and became heavily involved with non-profits such as the Women’s Coalition and the Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Council’s Faith Based Committee, both addressing domestic violence and sexual assault. Another interest, interfaith dialogue, was channeled through St. Croix Interfaith Coalition. As I age I have grown more interested in issues of aging and elderhood as evidenced in my membership in the St. Croix Council of Elders. I would have been hard pressed to say which transition, turning 70 or relocating from STX was the most challenging in 2018.

Having sold or given away all my belongings except my car, clothes and a few personal and sentimental items, I was starting all over again. I had done this at least twice in my life time so this was not a big deal. However, it is always a challenge to make choices about our belongings and to make decisions about our attachments. At times it was almost overwhelming to sort through six years of possessions that I had acquired assuming at that time that I was going to be living in STX indefinitely.

I successfully relocated from one environment to another attending to all the details to make that happen. I accomplished turning seventy with great joy and celebration.

What has not happened and what is a source of consternation is being unprepared for the ageism I experienced in Atlanta. Since the time I relocated from St. Croix on June 1, 2018 to the time I returned on September 15, 2019 I had been unemployed. I had completed close to 100 applications for various positions that netted me only one interview. I lowered my expectations and applied for positions requiring a Bachelor’s in Social Work. I applied for several administrative assistant positions. I did not get any call backs from my efforts. Out of desperation I applied to teach ESL in Japan. When the recruiter called they informed me that the legal retirement age in Japan was 65 and that I was too old for the position.

I was a 70-year-old active woman still experiencing good health that wants to and needs to work. I had pursued social work positions with no success. So I thought, let me turn my attention to ministry, which I was sure there were opportunities for me in the Atlanta area where some six congregations exist. While not all of them were in search I pulled out my ministerial packet and updated it and completed paperwork online with the UUA. I was called and interviewed for two congregations. I decided that I was not going to leave it to chance. I made it known on my ministerial packet that I was looking for a congregation that was already doing work around anti-racism, anti-oppression and multiculturalism. And if they were not, they would be willing to make a serious commitment. I thought the two interviews went as well as could be expected. The final decisions were not in my favor and someone else was called. I then turned to the Interim Ministers Search process. I was the first District Executive to participate in the intensive and rigorous training years ago. Other Field Staff followed my suit. My rationale was that I wanted a deeper understanding of Interim Ministry to be able to assist and support the Interims in the then District, now Region. To that end I was successful.

During my job hunting stint in 2018-2019 I signed up for Interim Ministry and applied to a couple of congregations whose ministers had left. I was unsuccessful once again. At this point I had begun to rethink my whole reason for returning stateside. A few months later dialogue with my family made it clear that settling on our Ancestral Land as I anticipated was not an option.

Interspersed in between my job hunting I was fortunate to be able to spend time visiting family in Atlanta, Virginia and Detroit. These memories would become even more precious when I later decided to return to St. Croix in the face of opposition from some family members.

Reflections on Aging (and Ministry)

I had never thought about aging until my job hunting experience in Atlanta when I returned stateside. Previously, I have had the luxury of aging gracefully (and still do) and I was employed in positions and situations that did not penalize me for aging. That changed when I relocated to Atlanta. Technology has changed the entire job hunting process. The ministry search is very time-sensitive and since I thought I had plenty of time I focused on social work or human service positions. While it is illegal to ask an applicant’s age, the new question is, “When did you graduate from high school?” In the course of over one hundred applications I had one interview. Ironically, it was the one position I really wanted, a counseling position at the Pulaski State Women’s Correctional Institute. I really worked hard and contorted myself to convince them to hire me and to recognize what a gift I would be. It did not happen. I had all my friends and prayer warriors praying for me and I visualized myself working with the women and living in Hawkinsville, the same town that our family’s Ancestral Land was located. But it was not to be.

For a period of time I stopped job hunting. I recognized that the constant rejection would sooner or later take its toll on my self-esteem and confidence and I did not want to fall prey to these subtly destructive messages that I was no longer of value because of my age and that I had nothing to offer. I never believed that but it was clear that I was fighting a losing battle. At least one person said I was running when I made the decision to return to St. Croix. Others said I didn’t give it enough time. Still others insisted that I simply did not engage in the kind of networking that would have gotten my resume in front of the right folks.

In hindsight, none of this matters now. I am back in St. Croix, VI. While I am not doing parish ministry I was employed as a Disaster Case Manager helping individuals, mostly senior homeowners, who did not access resources two years ago to repair damages to their homes. In this second cycle we are stepping into the gap along with other non-profits to help individuals and families in their recovery. There is a lot of work to be done here. I did that work for a couple of years. I am now working part time as the Sexual Assault Response Team Coordinator for the Territory. As a survivor of early childhood violence and a survivor as a battered woman and sexual assault, this work has called me over the years and now I am resuming this work again.

Once again I feel needed and am engaged in my call, to serve the needy and marginalized of society. My employers did not care about my age. My reputation preceded me and I was hired and immediately put to work.

No matter what our age we want to feel our lives make a difference and that what we do adds value. In a capitalist society the profit margin is the bottom line. As a senior, I am not a lucrative investment. I want to live out the remainder of my years in a community where being an elder is not a deficit. I want to be valued for my competence and ability to contribute. For me, I would rather be in St. Croix among friends that see past my age, past my wrinkles, past my grey hair and take the time to review my resume and decide based on the merits of my experience and not my age.

Self-Care

Posted on April 19, 2021February 20, 2023 by Qiyamah Rahman

Black activist and writer, Audre Lorde, reminds us, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgent; it is self-preservation….” In addition, pre-flight airline instructions recommend, “Please, put on your oxygen mask first, before assisting others.” Our personal wellness is essential for not only ourselves but the wellness of those in our families and communities. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we did not have to fight to put ourselves first? Jenn M. Jackson, on Facebook reminds us that the human body needs to “survive and thrive but capitalism and hyperproductivity culture have socialized us to feel guilt about the things that lengthen our lives and can’t be monetized.”

So I am giving you permission, Black UU women and girls, to prioritize your well-being, to take care of yourselves. To disconnect from the messages from the larger society that want to frame your self-care as individualism or selfishness. As Black women, we have been socialized to be super women and to put everyone else’s needs before our own. We have been tricked into believing we must take care of everyone for the survival of our race. Our strength has been lauded and promoted at the risk of our physical, mental and spiritual health. Enough! Let us take back our power to define our lives in ways that work for us and promote our well-being.

Blessings! Rev. Q

Author Archive: Qiyamah Rahman